consider the lilies of the field.

2011-08-12T23:29:00.004+08:00

"poems are simply emotions put in words"
-anonymous

Its been a while since I last wrote one and I do miss having the fortitude to pen my thoughts into neat lines.

Just cause life over here has been so cluttered with thoughts about the day after each.
I barely have time to think about where I am, much less where I was.

I'm glad that certain stuff have happened to me over the past couple of days,
finding a nice note stuck in between the pages of my copy of "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. I read it like 3 years ago and honestly, nothing's stuck. Reading it again is entirely like reading a whole new book. Back to the point, the note said "If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided with strong shoes." and after doing a little bit of searching online, I found out that the quote came from Corrie Ten Boom.

I got a nagging suspicion that this note was written by the previous owner of this book (Mine's a secondhand copy) and it made me think just how strange and mysterious are the ways that God works. Well.. whatever the case, it came at a really good time.. Feeling overwhelmed with work and the stress of adapting to this new lifestyle really doesn't sit well with me.

The note really helped, but words only go that far. I keep thinking that I want to trust in God's plan for me, that He takes care of everyone as a whole and at the same time that everyone as an individual is in the center of His will.

So many things have happened in the past year alone.

within the past year, my "home-base" changed from singapore to melbourne.
within the past year, I went back and forth countless times trying to quell my doubts about God.
within the past year, I confused myself so many times that I don't even know what I want anymore.

Sometimes it's good to just sit back.
In fact, we always do learn to let go of the wheel and let God take control.
I really want to do that now.
I'm actually really tired of pretense and trying to manipulate everything so that all the dreams that I wish I could have would so easily fall right into my lap.

I like the quote that I started off this post with, in my short 2 lessons in modern and contemporary literature, this quote was brought up at least 5 times. And I find that it really does hold so much meaning.
So here is my poem, and since I realised that out of my 400 or so poems that i've ever written, only about a tiny 2% of them actually have titles. I thought i'd title this one.

Street Lamps

Street lamps flicker overhead,
Walking beneath, a halo made.
People see and think the best,
But we know better,
we know what's said.

Cars hasten past, just under,
Memories they'll never remember.
Every light a guide to them,
But they forget,
The street lamp after.

I leave you now, for a moment,
Never forget my hope in the advent.
For every light a guide to me,
But I'll remember
God's appointment.

Street lamps lit up everywhere,
For all our sins to bear.
I cannot even if I tried to forget,
My brightest walk,
My Christian share.

2011-08-06T22:30:00.001+08:00

Why deign to be in acceptance of this tumultuous ambiguity?
Has the grave robbed you of dignity in leading your life?
No.

Be it for the sake of kind temptation,
Or the purpose of divine right;
Let your heart be the mouth of your soul,
Not your mind nor fancies.
For desire triumphs fancies,
But your will inherits the victory march.

Claim your future before you now,
The past replaces the present,
In a blink of an eye,
too swift, too fast.

2011-08-03T10:50:00.002+08:00

okay.

it's just not right that i'm having trouble sleeping every night just because i'm kept awake by my thoughts.

it's time to move on!
because she's not coming back.

2011-06-27T23:08:00.002+08:00

One day I'll call you baby,
And you'll reply, "Yes baby?"

____________________

But until then, we'll wait and see.

I dedicate this post to

2011-06-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

you.

2011-06-18T05:23:00.000+08:00

Because the angels are your company now,
You can keep on smiling.
And on the streets of gold you'll dance,
With joy just overflowing.

Sing of peace and blessedness,
Sing of the Lord's great glory.
Sing of the salvation you've received,
Sing the song of Calvary.

There isn't much to say right now,
In recent years, we had never spoken much.
I wish I'd taken a couple of moments,
For a word, a smile or a touch.

Happy Birthday Val,
Rest in Peace.

2011-06-08T00:22:00.001+08:00

I be boring now.

2011-06-07T18:09:00.006+08:00

THROW MY HANDS UP IN EXASPERATION
HEAVE A WEIGHTED SIGH OF FATIGUE.

\o/@
. |
./ \

2011-06-02T21:37:00.003+08:00

Sometimes there's a voice inside which tells you to take a chance.
It could be a small matter, like choosing not to do your assignment that's due the next day.
Or it could be something much bigger, like.. Which career path should you head down?

Either way, that voice seemingly encompasses Freud's id, I guess I just can't figure out which is a subset of which. Though that may be, as all Freudian advocates would agree, the superego sets out to initiate the adapting of the id in the harsh reality of world. Pleasure is a complex thing after all.

You chase after and desire something for years on end, only to realise that without that concept of desire, there wouldn't have been the pain of the chase. And it becomes mockingly ironic that the simple things which you've let go of, were simple pleasures that God had placed before you all along.

It is the joke of life that friendships and relationships are pleasures which work both ways. The chase, exhilarating as it may be, punctures the very soul of air and energy. You find yourself lost more often than any other emotion in a textbook. Perhaps it is a simple solving of the equation.

If the emotions are found without the book, it is time to defy it.
To decide, not to live life by the book, but to live life by the moments.

2011-05-19T04:14:00.000+08:00

We talked about going to many places,

To see the sights, with smiles on our faces.

We talked about stupid love movies, ever so often,

To catch them all together, no matter what errands.

We talked about chasing it to the end,

To run and shout, to afford what we had to spend.

We talked about hope for you and me,

To compromise, to work, to see and to agree.

2011-04-10T00:54:00.001+08:00

OUUUUUUUCHHHHHHHHH !

2011-03-15T20:07:00.001+08:00

Sherilyn Eve, Please Don't Grow Up.

2011-02-11T23:07:00.003+08:00

A little tennis ball, a little tennis ball,
Tossed about, to rise up and fall.
Run away from your owner now,
You're your own little tennis ball.

2011-02-11T03:47:00.002+08:00

Curl up into a little ball,
It helps to cushion the fall.
Throw me against the hard hard wall,
It's alright cause I'm a little tennis ball.

2011-01-16T22:23:00.003+08:00

Both clouds and sand,
In my mind, in my hand.
What he can do with it-
Only He would know.

Let those dreams be carried away,
Let God bring a better day.

2011-01-16T19:56:00.002+08:00

Is it enough to make everything right ?

2010-12-10T00:19:00.002+08:00

I succumb to the notion:

Tea will never be good enough,
No matter how sweet I can make it.

The only drink worth having though,
Is the coffee you want, in front of you.

I think.. Hmm.
Yes.

It's time I surrendered my long-standing battle against God.

2010-08-23T20:17:00.001+08:00

I'll miss you the most..

2010-07-27T13:06:00.002+08:00

There's just so much to say,
so much so that silence becomes the best option.

It's been months now..
Yet still, this is not our worst.

I just keep praying..

2010-07-18T19:44:00.005+08:00

I still stopped... even you !

You're never smiling, loving though...

Just can't figure it out ? =/

a forgotten car ride

2010-06-18T22:54:00.006+08:00

I remember lying on my mother's lap in the backseat of our old car. She would softly hum a tune as my father kept on driving.

Each streetlamp that passed by the window reminded me of rays of sunlight bursting through a heavy dark cloud. My eyes were closed, shut tight; but at that moment, I saw more than I ever did, and more than I ever would.

2010-05-07T21:07:00.008+08:00

We smile as we look into the sun,
We laugh aloud as we run around.
And seep into the soft, deep dunes;
As the gentle waves give a steady tune.

Let the breeze flow through our wings,
And listen now, to the song of the trees.
We've stopped time; but just for a fraction,
Love, we can finally dream.

Be happy, because my world smiles with you,
And when you are sad, my seasons cry too.

2010-03-06T11:18:00.003+08:00

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS COMIC !

2010-03-04T21:30:00.003+08:00

I normally don't like to blog twice in a day, cause it spoils my plans for world domination. But oh well, i'll put a wrench in that for now.

So my facebook has that "daily bible scripture" thingum at the side, and this is the verse for today.

Isaiah 55:8-9

“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.

“ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

I like this verse, I can't remember the first time I came across it; but I'm pretty sure it didn't affect me then as it did now. Over the past 2 months, i've been questioning alot of stuff, things that border more on the "personal life" aspect. Most of which I always end up complaining to God with half-accusational questions that go like, "Why did things turn out this way?" I guess, it's a timely reminder that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine - for any occasion.

No matter how right I think I may be,
the Lord knows much better than me.

Secondly, I was fiddling around biblegateway, searching different translations for the Philippians 4:6 verse that I shared in the earlier post. (Some of them are pretty interesting.) And I came across biblegateway's own "verse of the day" thingum, this is the verse that was shared.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

It just makes me think, that when we say we trust in the Lord, it's not just about trusting Him with things that may or may not happen in the future. It's not just about trusting Him with things that we are experiencing right now. It's also about the things that have long already happened, and knowing that every of those things happened in His grand masterplan of things.

I think it's stuff like this that may help us unload all that silly excess baggage that we carry around.

____________________________________

And that aside, it seems that whoever chose these two verses also know that the A level results are coming out tomorrow. So i'd like to share these two verses with all the A levellers too !

2010-03-04T20:40:00.002+08:00

To all the A levellers waiting for your results,
I know it's a cliche verse, but just as the rest of God's word.
That just means it's timeless. (:

Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

Praying for all of you !

2010-03-03T22:42:00.002+08:00

So bro mingyong shares this during prayer meeting.
For the benefit of those who have not seen this yet;
Yes, that is you sandra, and cheryl(?)

______________________________________________________

1.The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

2.She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

3.His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

4.He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

5.Her hair glistened in the rain, like a nose hair after a sneeze.

6.She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

7.He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

8.Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

9.Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

10.He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

11.The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

12.The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

13.McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

14.From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

15.The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

16.Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

17.They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

18.John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

19.Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

20.Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

21.The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

22.The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

23.He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was
actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

24.It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25.He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Quiet anticipation

2010-03-01T01:06:00.003+08:00

of the sundays to come over the next few months. I just keep praying that the Lord would grant me the wisdom that I need in all things.

It's gonna be exciting,
It's gonna be so exciting.
And I don't know what's to come.

I can only just wait in quiet anticipation,
quiet, really quiet anticipation.
For what the Lord has in store for me.

I'm looking forward to it ! (:

2010-02-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

It's funny how some people just refuse to accept the fact that they are changing. Doesnt really even matter whether it's a positive or a negative change, they just detest having to admit that they're different than they are several years ago. The funnier thing is, as a general collective entity, the world (which includes the so-mentioned), agrees that we all change every single day, bit by bit.

So what's wrong with feeling a little more sensitive than you used to ? And what's wrong with feeling a little more apathetic than you normally are ? The only problem identifiable problem that I can see anyone refusing to admit, is that we're feeling a little more distant from God than we do..

Say.. since yesterday ?

Maybe Paul thought of that too when he penned the words "I affirm, by the boasting in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily. " although i kinda think he didnt.

Still, I guess it really is important to have that constant testing of our own character. The bible is after all, primarily for reproof and for instruction (among other things), put that together, and we've got a pretty reflective mirror there, as in James.

But those are just random thoughts, and I digress.

Back to the point, I'm just wondering why people dislike admitting certain things. Whether it's cause they don't see it themselves even though everyone around them sees it, or whether they do see it, but... Really just refuse to admit it. Perhaps, it's cause we're all still tied down to this world materially, and hence emotionally. And there's no way to break out of that till we're called to be home with the Lord.

Is that what's meant by, vanity ?

2010-02-25T19:37:00.000+08:00

thanks aunty serene.

In the park; Stop Dating The Church!

2010-02-23T15:33:00.005+08:00

After many many many MANY cups of water, and admittedly a few cups of F&N orange; coupled with the medicine I got from the doc's yesterday, I think it's safe to say that I have more or less completely recovered from my routine CNY sickness. (I say routine because now that I think about it, i've fallen ill almost every CNY period. Whether it's just a simple flu, a common cold, or a delirious fever, they've all draughted me before over the years.

And so, with my new-found strength to walk around, I decided to take a nice stroll down to my "have-a-good-day" park about 200m away and do some reading there. I packed the necessities, 3 packets of pokka green tea, my precious bible, my huge ESV study one, my (nowadays-rarely-used) english to greek dictionary, a pair of shades (just so I might look cool if there were people around), and the new GCSS material that we'd be using soon enough, "Stop dating the church!", oh and of course my handphone, just in case something cropped up.

The 200m or so walk there was pretty much boring and uneventful, but I thank God for it. Having to cross several mini-lanes with cars passing by, I can't help but remember that i'd always taken my safety for granted.

Upon arrival, I found myself a nice shady spot with an empty bench. There weren't many people around, just the usual road-sweepers taking their afternoon nap under the pavilion, which pretty much meant that it was as quiet an atmosphere as it would be in a library, less the chirping of the birds and the distant sounds of one of my neighbours practising that Fur Elise song on her piano.

All in all, it felt all quite perfect, and I'm thankful.

So I started on the book. Which, after so much introduction, is actually what this blog post is meant to be about.

I read through till page 30 today; mainly cause I didn't want to just skim through the whole book, and certainly also not to overload myself with too much info. Still, in those 30 pages alone. I think there were many learning points that i've overlooked (or have never even taken into consideration before) over the years that i've been in BFC.

The first few pages included forwards by various figures such as bro Mingyong's John MacArthur, Donald S. Whitney and several others. Followed by several pages that don't really have much for me to learn from other than the fact that the bible verses referenced in the book will all be from the NIV translation, and that this book is dedicated to a certain C.J. which I have no idea who it is, but I'll playfully suggest that it might mean Christ Jesus.

The first chapter starts in page 11, and from this page through to page 15, I can in all honesty say that I didn't really learn much from it, because it's mainly about Joshua Harris' personal experiences and most of which I can't really empathise with, still, I am certain that this will not be the same for many other people, and I'm guessing these 5 pages or so will bless many other people, just not so much me.

Only at page 20 do I start getting abit more drawn into the book, where Harris quotes Paul David Tripp and thereafter follows with the phrase, "Isn't this amazing, God has not only saved us; He has invited us to participate in His master plan of redeeming a people for His glory."

And so, the first lesson point that I gleaned from this, is the constant reminder that sure, the church stands as a community for people like us to come to worship and to come to know God, but as it stands, this understanding of the church only still makes the church "for people like us". But more than that, it should also be a "place" where we give back, and a nuance is added to the common understanding, now, it's "for other people like us". Point kept in mind, I wonder to myself now, what's with all the griping and whining that I do so often when I feel left out in the church, or when someone in church has done something that I feel in any way negatively affected by.

That aside. The second lesson point starts in chapter 2, at page 25. I'll keep this part open-ended (As in, I won't speak of what he wrote nor how he ends the chapter, but rather, only about what i've learnt. This way, you're forced to read it too, yay !)

In my short 6+ years as a christian, the biblical standards for the husband in relation to his family seemed pretty one-sided, meaning to say that it's always been taken at face value - The Lord commands, we are to obey. There's not anything more, and i've never once thought there would be. But I guess I'm wrong.

Jesus calls the church, His bride. I think in this context, just for this lesson (I'm not sure about the rest of the bible) the groom and the bride, can and should be used interchangeably with the terms husband and wife. Afterall, marriage is made to last.

So, in Ephesians 5, whereby we have the "rules and responsibilites" of the biblical husband, we also see the rules and responsibilities of the groom. That is to say, here we see what is expected of the husband, but more than that, we also see what is expected of the the Lord in relation to His bride, the church. And it's not much an expecation is it ? Since it's all happened already, rather, it is historical-self-fulfilling-evidence of Christ's love for the church.

For example, in 5:25, husbands are commanded to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. It can also be read as, Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. Just as any Godly marriage we see today may stand, the husband would lay down his life for his wife... On the cross.

So, starting from verse 23, which I think is like the crux of it, we see that husbands are commanded to the head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church. In this is a simple truth that we can rely on, because through this, we know for a fact that Christ is the head of the church. So, as the bride, or in this case, as the wife, we are to...(answer found in verse 24.)

In verses 25, 28 and Colossians 3:19, husbands are repeatedly peppered with the charge to love their wives, or in the last one, "not to be bitter towards them". This is a reflection of the love, consideration and tenderness that the Lord has for us, for our church. Are we not certain then that whatever the Lord plans, it's purely for our good ?

There are many other qualities of a godly husband, to honour his wife, as in 1 pet 3:7. To provide for his wife, as in 1 Tim 5:8. To teach his children well as in 1 Tim 3:3-5, which speaks of leadership in the church in relation to the husband's role.

All these have been fulfilled by our Lord in the greatest of ways. Speaking now solely of our church in particular, the Lord has certainly honoured us, His bride, with blessings and members, and tidings through tough times, we KNOW He has done it. Of tangible and intangible resource provisions; monetary, physically and spiritually, I believe we are in glad abundance, and I'm truly thankful for that. And in teaching, who better than to learn from, than the Lord himself ?

In conclusion, just as a husband is to fulfil all biblical commands towards his wife, so has the Lord already done for us, His bride. What more do we want, than what we don't need but greedily anticipate ? The Lord has His love for us, which is greater than any other love.

In retrospect, to the not-so-recent-anymore church split (just because I'm deeply reminded of it), as a husband and wife are joined in union to become one, so is the Lord also one with the church. As Harris states, "When we are rejected, He is rejected. When we are persecuted, He is persecuted. When we rejoice, He does, too." So it is, when the church splits, what happens to the body of Christ ? We work now towards unity, and I'm glad that this is our theme for the year.

Praise the Lord ! (:

2010-02-23T12:47:00.005+08:00

In walking too far; and far too much, we realise we're blessed but just not in what we hoped. Perhaps it's time to remember the rain and it's arrows.

2010-02-21T18:26:00.002+08:00

From today's message, among other things; one of the things I liked most was the fact that since God is omnipresent, He can't help but be with us at every moment. And there's no asking Him to walk beside us, because He already does.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
And through the waters they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.

I like the fact that it goes even beyond space, but obviously time too. The promises that the Lord made to the people of Israel, stands true now for us as it did then for them.
___________________________________________

At this point in time, the northen kingdom of Israel had already been captured by Assyria and the southern kingdom, Judah, was to be under siege by Babylon in the future as well. God had protected Judah by destroying the Assyrian army that had tried to invade and in chapter 39, Isaiah warns king Hezekiah of the imminent threat of the Babylonians but he brushes it off thinking that (Isaiah 39:8) there will be peace and truth in his ruling . To be succint in the point of this summary, things were looking bleak for Judah, as it was for the whole of Israel.

The chapters 40 - 66 of the book of Isaiah is filled with comforting words for the Israelites, words of assurance of their salvation and of their security in the Lord (sound familiar ?)

It is at this point that I remember a sermon by Jim Berg, can't remember the title but he talked about the backdrop of the entire bible being the cross at calvary. The analogy he used was that of a wedding, where at the wedding dinner, there might be a picture of the eiffel tower in the backdrop, and hence the guests would know that the theme for the dinner was french. In similar fashion, if the old testament were the wedding dinner, then the backdrop for this dinner would've been the gospel message.

But I digress.

So in these chapters, Isaiah prophesies to the exiles in Babylonian captivity of their deliverance from their captors, and also the comfort of knowing their eternal security in the promise that the Lord has called them to be His chosen.

In a nutshell, it would seem that that's the gospel story, told in.. well.. drastically rearranged formats.

The sin of Israel;
firstly in king Ahaz's reliance on the power of the nation of Assyria and hence giving up the northern kingdom of Israel, secondly, by the pride of king Hezekiah that thought he could lead Judah in peace and safety without the Lord.
and thirdly, in the sin of the entire nation of Israel (this is peppered greatly in the first many chapters of the book of Isaiah.)

Israel was lost, they had no means of saving themselves, just like the depravity of any sinner in our context. perhaps of greater importance, they were blind to their self-futility, just as we are.

But just as Isaiah prophesied of God's faithfulness in delivering them, we also have the promise of salvation that was a done-deal on that cross so many years ago.

(okay, im typing this part in a real-time format, i gotta go and get dinner already, a good friend has just brought to light a personal problem, and as much as possible, i would like to hang out with him to help in any way i can. so i gotta cut short this post.)

So yes, in conclusion.

I liked today's message, and im glad I had plenty of time to come home and do some reading of my own. I'm glad that the Lord saved a sinner like myself, and im glad that that doesnt change, neither over time nor over space (:

2010-02-13T17:43:00.003+08:00

Feeling very much like a block of wood.

2010-02-06T19:46:00.001+08:00

The world ends as we know it now,
What will you do, what will I ?

iGw, weut. wovoss.

________________________

2010-02-05T23:52:00.000+08:00

Bothered everytime I hear that name =/

2010-02-03T23:10:00.003+08:00

Guilt hinders growth, God handles guilt.

I covet your prayers, please and thanks.

2010-02-03T19:23:00.003+08:00

it's interesting how sometimes we always think we've got difficult choices to make when we have decisions to face.

some are straight forward,
"to smoke or not to smoke."

some are slightly more cloudy,
"to argue or not to argue"

and

some are downright obscure,
"to play soccer or to play captan's ball".

(from that last one, i just realised that there are those seemingly innocuous ones, that make it all the more obscure.)

some have more than one answers,
"to study now, to study later or to study tomorrow ?"

but it's interesting because no matter what the question is, there isnt even a "choice", or rather, to be more correct, the choice has already been made clear.

and that would be to choose according to the will of God.

suddenly the questions all change to straightforward ones based on facts.

"does it compromise my integrity as a christian ?"
"does it undermine my character as a light for the Lord ?"

and i think perhaps the most common one..

"when i do this, am i loving myself, or am i loving others and God ?"

so after all that, it's actually all questions with answers we already have.

2010-01-26T19:31:00.002+08:00

haha, just read through one of my old charlie brown comics, came across this quote that i think is just pretty awesome.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love - Charlie Brown.

Random Updates !

2010-01-19T19:30:00.004+08:00

1. I've got 4 cuts on my hands, 2 on either ones. Sustained from playing ultimate frisbee with the other interns in school yesterday.

2. Progressed to page 104 of "The Reason For God" by Timothy Keller, I feel that it's such an accomplishment considering how the book, is in many ways, deeper than an ocean.

3. Just about to start reading up on Paul's epistles, I think it's gonna be a slow, long and interesting journey. I'm gonna take my time.

4. My parents are back from barcelona/venice. The pictures suggest that the place is beautiful, my tone suggests that I am slightly jealous and upset that I couldn't go.

5. I'm starting to get into the groove of this whole "teaching at pathlight" business. Some students are harder to handle, some are easier, the only constant I have are the resources I am equipped with to deal with them. So thank God for the resources, you know, grace, wisdom, patience, love for others and humility (I hope) !

6. I've been exercising more than I used to when I was in army, I guess it's cause I'm more liberated now. So I'm glad I can, especially when it's with church folks. Which brings me to my next point...

7. I'm thankful for the opportunities to join church people in many activities, whether it's badminton on thursdays, choir on saturdays or squash on sundays. (I decided to place choir in there too, because I wouldn't be able to join in if the Lord didn't bless me with it. So it falls under the same category.)

Which leads me to the number 8, that all we disillusioned chinese just love because we think with the presence of the many 8's in our lives, we may just strike it rich somehow.

8.
So I'm thankful for everything;
For all that I have.
From the cuts on my hands,
to all my church friends.

_______________________

just some random thoughts.

2010-01-17T20:31:00.005+08:00

Is love the means to which the law is fulfilled,
or is it the law in how that which love can be fulfilled ?

personally, i think, love will result in love, and the law is just the process in which we practice love. whether it is love for God, or love for people.

yup, thats what i think.

___________________________

i've been thinking about how things in church have changed from the past, and every now and then i hear someone saying that we've changed to overlook the "exclusivity" of uniformity among the "then-youths, now young adults". or that we're doing things differently from how the ministry was run in the past.

but now that i look at how things are going, i just get this feeling that in our own small way, we're still doing this. some perhaps more than others. (i say "we" cause im certain that im not exempt either.)

interestingly enough, it's not on a "ministry" level, in fact. on that level, i would like to think that things are going very well.

no.

i guess im referring more to (though not limited solely by) the "sunday meet up, monday-saturday no contact" (other than facebook now of course.) way of doing things. it's debatable with arguments like "thats not true ! we do meet up.", but i would say thats only among us, the group that gets along better with each other perhaps ? (once again i say "us".)

i guess, the ONLY question we have to ask sometimes is whether the Lord knows our heart. and it's obviously a rhetorical question... one that can be interpreted to the bigger question of whether God is the Lord of our lives, or are we ?

_________________________

i wonder whether we're following in someone else's set of footprints, one that starts off on the beach and ends up in the ocean... without even realising it for ourselves, until that is of course; we're swimming with the sharks.

2010-01-12T19:19:00.000+08:00

Hello, how was your day ?

Darren, we need to talk to you...

2010-01-11T17:44:00.004+08:00

Oh man, what can I say ?

Hahaha.

Deeply amused, but in a rather dark, troubled way.

Cause I can't tell which is worse.

2010-01-03T17:27:00.004+08:00

Sigh.

After long moments of introspection and circumspection,
ambivalence is still the primary focus.

Feel like banging my head on the wall in a repetitive fashion..

2010-01-03T14:17:00.002+08:00

The dictionary definition of "conflict" doesn't necessarily involve an argument,
it just implies the opposition of ideas between two parties or more.
So, it is easy to brush off conflict, thinking that a conflict only arises if people address the point.

Perhaps, the most dangerous and vicious conflicts of all, are those that are deeper in. Those unaddressed by either parties whether be it because they are afraid to put their friendship to the test, or for pride that has to be changed to humility in order the conflict to be addressed.

Truth is.

A conflict doesn't do any of the parties involved any good at all.
The operative word here being "any".

It's the start of the new year, are we going to go into 2010 with leftover conflicts a.k.a excess baggage ? Or should we take the time to resolve all conflicts, whether skin deep or heart deep ?

The Lord leads as the Lord wills.
I know what I must do, I pray for strength and courage to do it.

I really do dislike times like this, but I think I recognise it as a necessary step in our growth as faithful servants of our Lord. It's through the refining fire we go, fire that the Master keeps as a steady flame, never too hot for us to handle, just enough for the impurities to be removed.

There were very few things on my mind today, this probably took up the majority of my thoughts.
Afterall, conflicts aren't necessarily borne out of arguments, arguments are borne out of conflicts. It saddens me to think or even imagine the possible outcomes... I wish so much that I could just ignore it and let it unravel itself, miraculously satiated in it's own complications. But no, I guess it's time to nip it in the bud and resolve this conflict that i've held onto for so long now, it really kind of bothers me to no end, everytime im in church, everytime I read the Word.

It has to end somewhere.

2010-01-01T19:33:00.004+08:00

Watched the Hunchback of Notre Dame this afternoon, watched it till I fell asleep.
Came to a realisation that Quasimodo was probably Disney's resident emokid, though I suppose he had every reason to be. I kind of liked the fact that the show had constant allusion to the gospel story... Frollo and his soldiers were parallels to the pharisees/sadducees, bent and disillusioned with their own perspective of "justice". There's more to it than that of course, but i'm getting lazy to elaborate.

Anyway.
Here's one of the nicer songs that Disney's resident emokid sang in the show.
And what's a song sang by an emokid if it isn't about romance and love right ? haha.

Quasimodo

So many times out here
I've watched a happy pair
Of lovers walking in the night
They had a kind of glow around them
It almost looked like heaven's light.

I knew I'd never know
That warm and loving glow.
Though I might wish with all my might
No face as hideous as my face
Was ever meant for heaven's light.

But suddenly an angel has smiled at me
And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright.

I dare to dream that she
Might even care for me
And as I ring these bells tonight
My cold dark tower seems so bright
I swear it must be heaven's light.

_________________________

Well.. You know what I mean yeah ?
Time to get back to sleep. Haha.

2010-01-01T06:24:00.002+08:00

Happy new year to all !
In 2009, I loved you.
In 2010, I think it's kinda the same.

The Lord is my shield,
A shelter in a time of storm.

What more can I say ?

2009-12-31T13:39:00.002+08:00

I wish you wouldn't do that.
please ?

2009-12-28T20:14:00.002+08:00

i got the job ! (:

on a random note,

listened to what bro mingyong shared with a few of us today about jacob, leah and rachel. (just a really short one.) that he read from timothy keller's new book "counterfeit gods".

it's.. well. interesting.
and it really gets me thinking bout certain things.

on yet ANOTHER random note,

had a really good time at the zoo today !
thank God for holding back the rain, there was just enough to keep us cool. hahaha.

and thank God for safety, and for all the fun that we had ! (:

2009-12-25T02:28:00.003+08:00

im sad but im glad,
cause i didnt get what i wanted,
but at least you did.

):
(:

2009-12-19T15:27:00.003+08:00

because.. in God, we've got an assurance, a peace and a strength. that none other can provide, that none other has ever known.

1) God is good.
2) God is in control.

(:

2009-12-14T18:50:00.002+08:00

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.

AS LONG AS IT TAKES !

2009-12-11T08:32:00.001+08:00

home is where the heart is.

2009-12-05T20:14:00.002+08:00

=/

wait for me..

2009-11-25T22:18:00.004+08:00

havent updated in awhile. over the past 2 weeks, things have suddenly started picking up. i went from complaining that i've been too free, to complaining that im afraid i might not have enough time to do everything that i wanted to do before all the camps start.

first thing's first, i'd like to thank God for seeing me through my three day camp with primary 5's of compassvale primary, some of them have requested to add me on facebook, so i think i should accept soon. maybe one day i could invite them for children's camp, or when they're older, perhaps youth camp.

there was this one particular little girl who i think i had soft spot for throughout the camp, cause she was super funny. for example, when we were serving lunch, i noticed that she didnt take the chicken, so i asked her why she didnt. her reply was, "i cannot.. because im illegal to chicken." hahaha. well i thought it was pretty funny right there and then. haha. so anyway back to the point, thank God ! and i pray for opportunities to invite and share with these kids in the future.

thank God for keeping me safe too, although i had plenty of mosquito bites, a bad sore throat (probably severely damaged too), and several twists and aches, still, nothing too much or too worrisome, and all thanks to grace.

also, i think i learnt quite a bit in this camp, on how to handle older kids, which i think was impeccable timing for me considering how the children's camp starts next week. on the downside however, i left alot of preparation stuff undone and now i've only got four days to finish it all up.

1) i wanted to read proverbs twice and study it a little more indepth on a third time before the camp starts, but i've only read it twice, and the third time is the one that takes a little bit more time.

2) i wanted to memorise the camp timetable and groups and helpers in which areas before the weekend, so that if i had anything to question i could bring it up last minute (but at least before the camp started) and no, that too i have not done.

3) wanted to sit down and make a list of things that i need to definitely remember to do during the camp, stuff like making sure that when we go out for games, i gotta bring extra water, tissue paper, umbrellas just in case. stuff like that. so i gotta get down to doing it, because really, as the days go by, more and more things pop into my head, i dont even know whether it's within my "jurisdiction" in a sense, but it's better to be safe than sorry anyway.

4) intended to go out and do some last minute shopping for personal logistics, things like a mini notebook, a set of pens, maybe a new waterbottle or something. (havent thought of what else yet.), but now i dont think i've got much time to go out anymore. so if anyone can think of anything that could help me, that'll be great thanks.

5) hm. im kinda dazed now cause i just had a 6 hour catch-up-on-sleep nap, so i cant really think of a fifth one at the moment.

keep me in prayer and let's all press on together in one accord.
it's at times like this that i thank God for leading me in the direction that takes my focus off my personal life and focus on Him alone, it gives me no time to be too troubled with the way things are and how im gonna act or react, which is good. keeping my eyes on the Lord above and not letting other gods in, hope it's the same for everyone else.

im actually quite anxious bout the camp, cause im pretty afraid that i'll mess up the job, so commit me to prayer thank you very much. i need to continually draw strength from the Lord because i cannot do it alone, or rather, only He can strengthen me to do it well.

and i totally forgot until now (hence im typing it here only now so that i wont forget again) but i gotta think of the songs i wanna sing for saturday and on sunday. so in order to do that, i think i'll be needing a list of children's songs, might anyone have that ? it'll be really helpful if you could send it to me or something..

alright. im feeling guilty, cause im blogging about the things i need to do instead of actually doing them. so i think i shall get down to work, think i'll start tonight with the more substantial or practical ones, maybe memorising the timetable and stuff like that first.

but first, some light reading of proverbs..
(honestly, i cant wait for the camps to start, but i cant wait for them to end either. think im gonna really enjoy the kukup trip. looking forward particularly to the fishing, hopefully mahjong-ing (without money of course) there, and of course, most importantly, the fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ.

off i go now. pray for me please and thanks.

2009-10-29T18:04:00.002+08:00

its not been a good week. ):

im not feeling very good..
i wish things were different.

im not feeling very good at all..

):

2009-10-29T12:19:00.003+08:00

i hate not knowing. it makes me feel like screaming my head off.

oh well...... nothing i can do about it. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!

i really dislike this. i really really REALLY do.

2009-10-24T23:04:00.002+08:00

Hebrews 12:3
For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.

just gotta keep looking unto Jesus.
trudging along, trudging along...

i feel.. a little left behind.
like. sorta stuck at the back picking up the glass of milk that i dropped. the milk is spilt, and the glass is broken. doesnt get much worse than this i think. haha.

oh well.

on a sidenote, for today i was wondering.. just what does it mean to "understand the fear of the Lord" ? isnt fearing the Lord something that people sort of.. just.. "do" ? why do we have to understand it, or perhaps in more layman-phrasing, why do we have to rationalise our fear of the Lord, in what way does it profit us ?

hmm. maybe im just thinking too much, think i have been doing that quite alot these few days. i feel like i need a good time of rest..

2009-10-19T12:05:00.003+08:00

just saw a comment made on the forum board - "a perfect life",
it went, "we have God, yet they are happy."

the person who commented then went ahead to talk about the people around him/her and all the material possessions they have, and how the lives of almost everyone else seemed to be in order; a stable career, no pressing health issues, and of course, (this next point is why im assuming its a guy that commented) in his exact words, "and they've all found the love of their lives without even searching."

before i formed an impression bout that, i scrolled down a bit more, and read another comment by another user. this one went, "we strive and try our best to only be second.", he/she later goes on to explain bout how as christians, we should never be number one in our lives, and instead should strive to be the supporting role in this life that belongs to God.

well. it's easy to "choose a side" for the first comment, but the second one has some problems. at least to me it does.

anyway.

im off to enjoy the rest of my day.
hope i learn alot from the Lord !

i think i've said it many, many times before. but i still really like proverbs 4:23
i really really do.

proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it springs the issues of life.

24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you.
26 Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established.
27 Do not turn to the right or the left; Remove your foot from evil.

there are so many lessons in proverbs. (:
cant wait for children's camp; king solomon's school of wisdom.

ok. stop dilly-dallying. off i go..

2009-10-19T05:07:00.001+08:00

exhausted.

2009-10-19T01:38:00.002+08:00

running around in circles la.

which is quite interesting, cause on an afterthought, it's almost a 100% accurate parallel to pastor's story today bout the boy who asked his father how to plant the rows straight.

praying for wisdom and direction.
seriously, what am i supposed to do ?

keep seeking, keep seeking.
i HAVE to keep trusting in His plan for me and in His time.

2009-10-17T22:12:00.003+08:00

misuse ! oh march...

2009-10-16T13:03:00.001+08:00

i've never really had a to-do list.

but the idea's really starting to grow on me.

2009-10-10T22:14:00.002+08:00

on the way home from my grandma's place, a small thought ran through my mind.

i suddenly remembered that daniel once told me, "its not true that salvation is free, it costs you your trust."

at that point.. i really had nothing i could say.. because. as much as you try to play it around and rationalise it. its sorta true dont you think ?

then a story came to my mind.. which i dont know whether would explain the logic behind "unconditional love" or "free salvation". but i think it kinda covers the area where i would have problems comprehending things.

(the "you" in the following made-up situation merely refers to daniel-type characters. dont get me wrong bro, i still love you. hahaha.)

ANYWAY.

lets say that im really rich.. like.. TERRIBLY TERRIBLY rich. and i own this piece of property at sentosa cove that costs probably more than your life's worth. and i tell you that im giving it to you absolutely for free, all you have to do is to sign on the contract that says, "i accept the house from darren." and its yours. would you say that's a free house ? or would you say that it wasnt free.. cause.. you had to pay for it with your signature ?

truth of the matter is, to you thats a free house ! the signature just closes the contract legally. and if thats not what you think.. then.. okay, i've got nothing to say. haha.

back to the point.

God is really really "rich", i mean, He holds the world in his hands, and everything in it. and He wants to give you salvation, which costs more than your life's worth. and He gives it to you absolutely for free, all you have to do is to sign on the contract that says, "i accept salvation from God." and its yours.

all of a sudden.. its not free anymore.
i wonder why.. ?

2009-10-10T00:53:00.002+08:00

oh nothing.............

just wondering what went wrong......

no big deal..................

2009-10-09T19:10:00.002+08:00

i've always wondered whether using phrases like "im just stoning now", or "im just super stoned right now.." was wrong.

heres why.

the dictionary definition of "stoned"

1. drunk.
2. intoxicated or dazed from drugs; high (sometimes fol. by out): to be stoned out on pot.

so, when we use such expressions, we're trying to express that action of ourselves being dazed, but we've sorta de-contextualised it. does that make it right still ? i think i should try to stop using that phrase. what do you think ?

au contraire

2009-10-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

nope, contrary to popular belief; as of right now. it just keeps getting tougher and tougher. hahahaha. okay back to my "enjoying tonight" !

near-death experience

2009-10-06T19:22:00.000+08:00

its only tuesday night, but this week probably has its fair share of events already.

for starters, monday afternoon is normally a time to sleep; back in the comfort of my bunk in camp. turns out, i couldnt do so that day. instead, it was replaced with a near-death experience that im just DYING (excuse the pun) to tell people, but i cant say it here cause of the SAF code of secrecy and stuff. haha. well actually, im not sure if i'll get into trouble if i blog bout it, but why take that risk right ?

(dont you think that every soul saved just pretty much had a near-death experience and came out on top ?)

and then. TODAY !

ever since 2 weeks ago, i thought that i took my leave on the 07/10/09 wednesday, which meant that i was right in booking out on the 06/10/09 tuesday evening (today a few hours ago.) the moment i stepped into my house, i got a call from my company saying, "hey.. the leave records says that you applied for 08/10/09 thursday and not wednesday." can you imagine the panic i was in. hahahaha. but okay, things are pretty much settled. hopefully. thank God. (:

and those are just the more prominent and "tangible" things that i've experienced in my two days in camp. (its not even exactly that long.)

its been a hard two days, and i can only imagine that it'll get harder and harder.. and harder. still, as does my facebook status at the moment says, "when doing nothing is doing something.", and i've gotta stick by that. it quite "literally" kills me (considering the fact that the "face-my-own-morality-incident" on monday wouldnt have occured if i had not been so un-sleepy due to this. haha.)

well. whatever it is..
God will see me through, He always does.
and most of the times, i've been stupid enough not to even ask for it.

as humans, for some strange and totally illogical reason. we always want to choose the most difficult way out, that is to say - taking things into our own hands and believing that we have the "almighty power of mankind" at our disposal to solve the situations that we encounter. when it's pretty obvious, that we can (this next word is carefully chosen) KINDA just wash our hands of everything and leave it God, Who incidentally is responsible for the existence of our very lives in the first place, to sort it out for us. (on a sidenote, i remember bro mingyong once telling us of a CCM song that portrayed God as a genie in a bottle. and thats just wrong.)

anyway. dinner's here.
im gonna have a good meal, and then enjoy the rest of the night off.

thanking God for trials, that come in just.. so many different forms and ways.

__________________________________________

finally the poem is completed by the way.
it took close to 2 years. (02/12/07 - 06/10/09)
but hey, enjoy !

______________________

There is a world in you.
The world rises beyond the sun had ever.
When you cry, the rain cries,
When you smile, the rainbow smiles.
And when you speak of beautiful things,
The world is filled and turns to mellow joy.

There is an ocean in your heart.
The ocean has been floating from years ago.
When you sing, the fish sing,
When you laugh, the fish laugh.
And when you look at beautiful things,
The ocean is filled and turns to gentle tears.

There is an island in your hands.
The island has been drifting for years to come.
When you dance, the trees dance,
When you stop, the trees stop.
And when you hold in your hands; beautiful things,
The island is filled and holds yours.

- The Button Up.

______________________

I thank God.

2009-10-04T01:14:00.001+08:00

i thank God for today.
i thank God for the morning.
i thank God for sustaining me.
i thank God for keeping me.
i thank God for His grace.
i thank God for church.
i thank God for His word.
i thank God for the bread in the morning.
i thank God for the person who bought the bread.
i thank God for the youth corner.
i thank God for the youth library.
i thank God for hudson taylor's books.
i thank God for a chair at the back.
i thank God for prayer.
i thank God for guarding my heart.
i thank God for holding my hand.
i thank God for keeping my mind.
i thank God for my pencil box that had one working pen and pencil.
i thank God for "Jesus' parables" the book.
i thank God for the actual parables in the bible.
i thank God for pastor chunghowe.
i thank God for pastor chunghowe's always open door.
i thank God for the fact that i could close the door for awhile.
i thank God for the stack of chairs/stools in pastor chunghowe's office.
i thank God for pastor chunghowe's table.
i thank God for pastor chunghowe's coffeemaker.
i thank God for the youths in our church.
i thank God for the fact that they came to church to study.
i thank God for the people who were there to help others too.
i thank God for davidong.
i thank God for choir.
i thank God for the songs we're singing.
i thank God for eunice who helped the guys upstairs.
i thank God for the guys in choir, what an encouragement.
i thank God for sandra. (happy early birthday by the way.)
i thank God for the food in the evening.
i thank God for good fellowship.
i thank God for pastor who gave me a lift to pasir ris.
i thank God for the church van.
i thank God for the rain.
i thank God for my brother.
i thank God for my brother's car.
i thank God for my grandma.
i thank God for the fact that i could celebrate the mid-autumn festival with my family.
i thank God for my family.
i thank God for my extended family.
i thank God for sparklers, they were really fun.
i thank God for my journey back home.
i thank God for my home.
i thank God for my room.
i thank God for wireless access.
i thank God for friends online.
i thank God for the night.
i thank God.

its probably been the most tiring day i've ever been through and seriously i think thats quite something even though i've only lived 20years so far. still. its another day nonetheless, and im still alive and healthy. i guess.. in every trial, God is there in a way that fully fulfills, because of that, i dont know what i have to complain about. im just tired.

and..
i thank God that i can rest in Him.

goodnight

2009-10-03T01:42:00.000+08:00

goodnight, its been a really long tiring day.

i think i need a good long sleep to counter it.

on nights like these.

2009-10-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

its on nights like these that i just want to go "argh" and stomp off the earth.

BUTTONY (:

2009-09-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

atheist, alternate definition.

2009-09-24T11:54:00.000+08:00

"darren, you have to use your logical mind to reason things out, and you will definitely come to realise in time that it is useless for you to put your trust in an institution that makes you feel happy or that makes you feel welcome."

-my dad, the atheist.

i wonder why he suddenly said that though, i think its probably cause of that conversation that i had with my sister. guess she told him.

anyway.. its at times like this that i feel so helpless, but i guess. thats the right conclusion to come to. because theres really nothing i should be doing in my own strength.

just feel pretty sad that my dad's like.. a living and walking definition of an atheist.
please keep him and prayer. and of course for me as well..

well, i'll just keep trusting my Lord ! (:

oh and i titled this post this way, cause.. i dunno if anyone has ever noticed (maybe im just lagging), but the term "atheist".. can be split up to form the term at-heist.
haha. its like.. stealing from God. haha. in a sense.. okay, but thats just on a sidenote.

back to my day ! (:

i refuse.

2009-09-24T01:26:00.001+08:00

noooooooooo. i refuse to let it get to me. i refuse to get upset.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

its not just a thought, or a teaching.
its one of those things that you have to put into practice to actually exercise it well.

and the more you will yourself to think on these things, the easier it gets to do so.
would you agree ?

its wednesday. im home. (:

2009-09-23T18:58:00.000+08:00

home from camp on a wednesday evening. how blessed am i ? haha. its nice having 7days of leave to spend in my last 2months. others have 14 for an entire year. (and my 7 excludes the magic-off-days that my officer may or may not give me. haha.)

anyway. on monday, i found my ipod again, it was lying around my room in a rather inconspicuous corner. but yay thank God i found it in the end. went on sermonaudio and started dling sermon after sermon, and it probably all started when davidong told me to go listen to this one sermon by jim berg. anyway. just thought i'd share how great of a blessing it's been.

on tuesday i woke up and started my day with well.. the usual army morning exercises. seeing as i didnt bring in my admin-t-shirt (which is the attire for breakfast) i decided not to have breakfast. so i sat in bunk and stoned. it was about 6.45 ? and my fall in timing was 7.45. decided that an hour was too little to steal some nap time, and too long to just sit and stare at the wall, so i took out my ipod and scrolled through the sermons. chose to listen to "God is more than enough" by Jim Berg, and i really think that it was a good one. because of what the day had in store for me, i thank God that i started off my day with that particular sermon. and here i am on hindsight, hoping that, through me, it might've been an encouragement to some others too.

and throughout the day, i listened to several others. albeit, i think it was kinda like information overload in a sense, cause i kept mixing up which bit of learning came from which sermon and stuff like that. so i'll learn from that. i think what i did was sorta the audio equivalent of reading through one book in the bible without digging deep into its meaning or the context, or the culture or history at that time.

and then today, i listened to another sermon by Jim Berg, "Our faithful God", which i've had in my ipod since.. i dunno. more than a year ago. but for some reason i've just NEVER listened to it. talk about irony. a 1yr+ old mp3 in my ipod. haha. it was really good, and i thank God for it. for dr jim berg, for sermon audio, for the fact that i have an mp3 to store it and listen to it.

haha one day, if i can find alot of time, i'll try to blog about it cause i think it may be a blessing to some of you who might be reading this. alternatively, you could just go download and listen to the sermon yourself. haha.

anyway. its 7.20, im gonna nap for like.. half an hour before going for prayer meeting.
on a closing note.. i've been thinking, the whole of today (and maybe thats why the sermon was so good) that as people, we make decisions, and then we are unsure about them. before we carry out "the decision", while we are carrying it out, and even after we carry it out (regret). but God doesnt waver in His decisions. everything He says holds true when He said it, up until now, and even in the future. and theres no such thing as God saying, "I wish I'd done this differently", or, "maybe now, instead of doing this, I should do that." nope.

a quote from Jim Berg in that sermon, he says, and i agree, "when God says something the first time, it's right and it doesn't have to be revised."

and on a little bit more comical note, he also said, "we will not ever have 3peter, or 2james or 3kings, or 2mark, or "the return of the bible" or "bible 2. we'll never have those. you know why ? because God has no limitations, He is perfect in all He does and when He says something He is right and it doesnt have to be revised." yup (:

oh. by the way.. i think i left my bible in church.. so if anyone sees a black nkjv bible with a "darren tan" sticker on the cover, please let me know. its just very precious. thanks !

all worth it.

2009-09-21T17:43:00.000+08:00

missed my stop and ended up at bishan mrt.
when i finally reached my stop after taking the same bus back, i tapped my ezlink and saw to my dismay -0.24cents. as i stepped out of the bus, all that greeted me was the pitter patter of the awesomely heavy rain. (it was in fact a 20minute downpour.)

and then i said, "oh man.." with a grin on my face...
and thats when i thought of this blog post..

when a person says "oh man" with a grin on his/her face, it means that..

it was all more than worth it.

Rule number one.

2009-09-19T12:13:00.000+08:00

So today I learn.

Rule number one:
In the future, if it happens again. try never to get angry for any reason at all.
NEVER.

and so thats rule number one (:

morning's here..

2009-09-18T20:20:00.001+08:00

its been a really eventful past few weeks. haha.. i think God is teaching me many things, and i think, thankfully enough, im learning them. in different ways and at different times. everything's.. topsy turvy these days. EVERYTHING.

im titling this post "morning's here.." cause i realised that recently, i've been waking up with a perpetual grin. and the grin slowly fades into the day. haha. no idea whats that about, i wonder if its some psychological thing that has to do with "mornings".

anyway. looking forward to the long weekend ahead ! i think it'll be a really good time of rest for me. anyway. probly gonna do some reading before i head off for an earlier-than-usual night..

for those having major exams this year, press on and keep seeking strength and wisdom from the Lord !
and for those who're busy with plenty of work.. well.. hang in there ! (:

im keeping all of you in prayer.
morning's here..

2009-09-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

Psalm 100
A Psalm of Thanksgiving.

1 Make a joyful shout to the LORD, all you lands!

2 Serve the LORD with gladness;
Come before His presence with singing.

3 Know that the LORD, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.

5 For the LORD is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.
__________________________

today. although it wasnt the main point of the gcss class, i remember very clearly how bro MY said that a church can be completely changed in three generations.

taken from a study-only point of view, here are the factors that i could think of.

1. God
2. Christians.
3. Non-Christians.
4. Society. (ie the economy, culture, globalization.)

its interesting..

we all know for a fact that God never changes..
and we all know that the direction of any church is (or at least should be) founded only upon the direction in which the Lord points. and the way that we find out which way that is, is through reading and studying the word of God.

WHICH DOESNT CHANGE.

so.. if in fact. a church completely changes after 3 generations.
it has to be because of the other factors.

well. i'll stop here cause i gotta book in soon. so i gotta leave my house. (thats actually my excuse cause i havent thought enough bout it. haha.)

i just know theres something here, a little lesson for me to learn. wonder what it is.

idiot.

2009-09-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

2009-09-01T04:14:00.001+08:00

finally remembered the song that i've been trying to remember for MONTHS.

things are different now,
something happened to me,
when i gave my heart to Jesus.

things are different now,
i was changed it must be,
when i gave my heart to Him.

things i loved before have passed away,
things i love far more have come to stay.

things are different now,
something happened to me,
when i gave my heart to Him.

i really like this song ! haha.
it sounds so.. joyful ! (:

2009-08-31T19:01:00.001+08:00

i've always known that my dad was THE atheist. as in, he's this super hardcore, non-believer in religion (any one.).

but its still very sadly surprising, and i'll add, rather unpleasant, to suddenly find out that my dad hates the church in general. i dont think im exaggerating the use of the word "hate" here.

spent the whole of dinner talking to him, but he has no budget, i mean.. he's unbudgetable. as in, he wont be budged.

what can i say ?
please continue praying for Him.

afterall,
Jesus saves.

2009-08-31T01:40:00.001+08:00

take no thought for your life,
what ye shall eat,
or what ye shall drink.
nor yet for your body,
is not the life more than meat,
and the body more than raiment.

but seek ye first,
the kingdom of God, and His righteousness.
and all of these things, and all of these things,
shall be added unto you.

consider the lilies of the field,
they labour not, nor do they spin.
yet consider how they grow,
if God so clothed the grass of the field,
shall He not much more clothe you.

but seek ye first,
the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
and all of these things, and all of these things,
shall be added unto you.

_____________________________

Luke 12:22-34
22Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on.

23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing.

24 Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn;
and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?

25 And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?

27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

28 If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.

30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.

31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.

32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys.

34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
_______________________________________

this song and this verse has always been a blessing in my life. i remember when "consider the lilies of the field" was my msn nick.. for like.. a good one whole year or so. and i remember when i kept this song on loop on my ipod for the longest of times. sadly though, i've never been able to fully apply this wonderful lesson that the Lord has for us.

because i cant be dependant on the Lord, if i dont want to be.
and before recently.. i think i've never wanted to be.

but now though, i realise that i've come to agree more and more with the "t" in tulip. the total depravity of man. ironically, it works this way:

we cannot help ourselves because we think we can help ourselves.

but.

if we dont think we can help ourselves in anyway at all, thats when we've actually helped ourselves to depend on God.

so. yeah. its kinda confusing, and kinda contradictory, but i think it has its nuances. at least to me it does.. well. its 1.55am and i guess time for bed. cause my leg is pretty pain too so i shant stay awake any longer but rest it instead..

i just think.. that our Lord is so wonderful. the timeframe in which He works in transcends all human knowledge. i think before today, if i were to find out what i found out today, i'd have had a pretty different response and reaction. but instead, it's revealed to me only today of all days, on a sunday that (i hope it truly was) my sole desire was to seek the Lord in all His grace and goodness.

so seriously, how great is our God ? you tell me ?
cause im at a loss for words, simply in awe and wonder at His power and perfect plan, that slowly unravels to us..

in His time. (:

2009-08-28T20:08:00.001+08:00

please just bear with me for a bit, feeling a little litty right now. haha.

oh seriously.
they're creatures of hurt-
with candy in one hand and jewels in the other.
and we cant keep away from them,
we try and we try and we try,
only to find out the truth,
that all we do is die, and die and die.

its interesting.
one moment, they are more than the world in all its beauty,
the next, every despicable and inescapable form of all things ugly have taken root as countenance.

i am be-shelled, be-covered, and shall cover be-liveness.

2009-08-21T19:40:00.001+08:00

its been a terribly terribly long week.. thank God for His wonderful grace.

2009-08-15T03:04:00.001+08:00

a few days ago, thanks to pastor CH's advice, i hooked up my spoilt laptop to my old desktop screen using that blue colour cable thing. so now its useable again.

today, i was looking through the files that i have in this laptop, and i came across a notepad document named, " (= "

so i was a little bit curious, cause for that few seconds that i looked at it, i couldnt remember what it was, and just as i double clicked it, i suddenly DID remember afterall.

so here's what it was in entirety..

__________________________

1. Australia
2. Bahamas
3. Brazil
4. Bali
5. Egypt
6. Finland
7. France
8. Fiji
9. Germany
10. Greece
11. Vatican City
12. Ireland
13. Italy
14. Israel
15. Japan
16. Maldives
17. Netherlands
18. New Zealand
19. Russia
20. Spain
21. Sweden
22. UK
_________________________

c'mon. lets make a game out of this. guess what this list is. haha. (:

2009-08-05T20:06:00.000+08:00

just had a rather funny moment, whereby i went on facebook, went under search, and typed "brother mingyong" cause i wanted to see what new one-liner phrase he had up.

it took me a good minute or two to realise that "brother" is not a part of his real name.

2009-08-03T19:27:00.000+08:00

today. academia and practicality came together.
not forgetting of course the Holy Spirit working.

Here are two lessons i'd like to share that i learnt today !

Romans 8:26
26
Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

there are times when im praying, and i firstly dont know what i want to pray for, and secondly, even if i DO know what i want to pray for, i dont know the words to say.
these two verses actually addresses both situations. (AND MORE.)

when Paul says that the Spirit helps in our weaknesses, the weakness he is referring to is as the next line puts it, "we do not know what we should pray for as we ought", the NIV translates it as "we do not know what we ought to pray for", and the NASB translates it as "we do not know how to pray as we should". instead of looking at it from either side, it actually pertains to both ! not knowing WHAT we ought to pray for, and not knowing HOW to pray as we should.

the word "ought" is not found in the original greek by the way, so the emphasis is actually on the word "know", ie, "ought to know" or "know what we ought". the "know" here is the same "know" in matthew 20:22a, "But Jesus answered and said, “You do not know what you ask." the greek word, "eido", which is "to know" or "be aware"

also, just as an interesting sidenote, cause i just got a bible dictionary (yay), the word "weaknesses" (nkjv) is translated "infirmities" in the kjv, which in greek is "astheneia" which has connotations to an actual medical sickness. i say this is an interesting sidenote, because it kinda means that being unable/not knowing what to pray is a sickness, and therefore should not be permanent. i mean.. we cant spend our entire life in sickness even though we have medicine for the illness can we ?

anyway. yes. so now that there is some background info on the romans 8:26. now for the story !

so pastor CH and i went into bethesda bookstore, looking for vine's expository dictionary, or mounce's one. after several minutes, the lady shows us where it is and im looking at the dictionary (more specifically at it's price) and im thinking to myself. oh man.. this is like.. 40+ dollars, and im in a 2k+ debt ! but i really wanted it because i thought that it'd really help in my pursuit of Godly knowledge. so i stood there for like a good 5 minutes praying.. not even knowing what i was praying for. haha, cause firstly. the place was kinda noisy, there was another customer that was asking the lady questions pretty loudly. and secondly.. i didnt really know how to phrase my words in my prayer.

so in my mind it went something like this..

"dear God.. HOW MUCH AH ? should i be buying this.. ? THIS AUTHOR GOT ANOTHER BOOK RIGHT ? okay.. err.. hmm.. the Spirit also helps in our weakness, for the Spirit makes intercession for us"

so heres a by and by run through of that. i started off the prayer, and then there in CAPS is the customer asking the lady, and then so im wondering should i buy this. and then in CAPS again is the customer asking another question. and i realise that my mind is so distracted that i cant pray properly in a sense. so suddenly i remember what i had read earlier in the day which is of course romans 8:26, and so i focus my thoughts on the Word that i had learnt and on the Holy Spirit. and i'd say that it did bless my heart. because i decided to get the book in the end, and it was on like a 25% discount ! so in the long run, getting the book now actually helped me save money. cause i dont think if i went there again, they would be having a 25% discount. and this is one of those books that sooner or later in my life, i'd want to have. so yes. PRAISE GOD ! He saved me 10dollars. (no kidding. money is really tight right now, and im not trying to say that money is SUPER important to me, but i gotta pay people back and truly the Lord provides.)

so yes ! thats err.. lesson number one. kinda. where what i learnt, became in a sense what i applied. and i believe the Holy Spirit worked. (:

SECONDLY ! (this is a much shorter and "as-of-right-now" hasnt really STRUCK me kind of lesson)
while reading romans 8:26-27, my eyes sorta glanced to the side abit and i ended up reading 8:38-39 for awhile.

38
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,

39
nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

so i've seen this verse quite a number of times already, and so i didnt really think too much of it, but then i read the part about "neither angels nor principalites nor powers" and so i wondered what "principalities" was, and so since pastor CH was right in front of me, i asked him. and so he searched using his computer and im looking at my bible dictionary now (yes im very happy with it. haha.) and the word "principalities" in this verse is the greek work "arche" which could mean "fallen angels" in this context, ie demons. which actually made sense to me, cause well.. if you look at the verse, there're alot of opposites that Paul uses. death/life, present/future, height/depth. but principalities also means government, rule, "used of supramundane beings who exercise rule" so.. okay.. this one im not too sure already. haha.

but yes, and then just as i thought it was kinda settled, cause in this case i'd just take "principalities" as evil spirits, ie the opposite of angels. it suddenly kinda struck me that the lesson here is kinda intersting. cause Paul says that all these things cannot seperate us from the love of God. but isnt it kinda strange that "angels" would be there ?
like.. why would angels want or be in the capacity to seperate us from the love of God in the first place ?

and so i asked pastor CH again, and we looked at it for abit.
the final conclusion that we got after reading a few commentaries was that it wasnt exactly speaking explicitly of angels and/or explicitly of demons. but rather, it is to give the idea of "everything-in-between" so in a sense. the verses should read more like, "nothing between death or life, no being between angels and evil spirits and powers, nothing from now till the future, nothing from the highest of points to the deepest of depths, nor ANY other created thing, can seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

theres a danger in this though, so im gonna take it with a pinch of salt (ie, i'll take this to be true, but i wont take this to be the ONLY thing true about the verse. because it could very well also mean "angels" as in the literal angels. cause after reading somemore commentaries, some of them said that angels, as in, REALLY angels, may be worshipped by people wrongly, taking the focus of God. and no, it isnt the angels fault, we all know whose idea false worship is dont we ?)

so yes. those are the two lessons that i've learnt today that i thought was pretty cool. and since i got time and the resources to blog, i thought i'd share it.

rachel kwan ! if you're reading this, message me okay ! today, we also looked at whether Lucifer was the angel of music afterall. haha. just thought you might be interested. hahaha. (:

2009-07-31T23:45:00.000+08:00

some through great trials, but God gives a song...

2009-07-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

i guess.. this is what the Lord has wanted me to learn ever since such a long long time ago..

"giving a person up" makes it sound kinda bitter and sad.
so instead i'll use a phrase that better describes it.

its probably..

well okay. i just stared at the computer screen for close to 5minutes, and there's really no other way i can think of that captures my thoughts, feelings and decision all at the same time.

so yeah.

it's giving a person up.

but.. God is good,
He will not send where His grace does not reach.

i really wonder whether im doing it right though, i think..

i need to pray and seek.
ALOT.

so much for getting comfortable, i do thank God for taking me out of monotony though..
i seriously dont understand now, but yeah probably will one day. some day.

Remember the word to Your servant,
Upon which You have caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,
For Your word has given me life.

-Psalm 119:49-50

2009-07-23T16:11:00.001+08:00

just read some very disturbing facts about margarine.. i wonder how true it is.

although i think.. the fact that i used the term "very disturbing facts" rather than "very disturbing information" would indicate that im more inclined to believing that what i've read was the truth.

yuck. never knew those things about margarine though.s

2009-07-19T12:30:00.000+08:00

why is the fragility of life enunciated only when the glass cracks?

i think only now do i understand what john lennon means when he goes,
"pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind, possessing and caressing me. thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box, they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe."

but God is good..

Psalm 104: 33-34

33 I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.
34 May my meditation be sweet to Him;
I will be glad in the Lord.

what will you do with your life?

2009-07-11T05:02:00.000+08:00

i think.. i feel like taking a break.
sometimes, not even words can express thoughts.
and much less emotions.

a little hiatus i think..

you're in unknown territory.
and im doing the same.
know what i mean ?

2009-07-09T19:35:00.000+08:00

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

___________________________________

we soon realise that time makes fools out of us all. tomorrow and today become an incomprehensible equation of the heart's thoughts and the mind's emotions. because we deceive ourselves in all manners and perspectives.

in a day, our thoughts can amount to millions. some of which we dwell upon for hours, some of which captivate our being for just a fraction of a millisecond, too little to even be substantial in credibility or potency.

but that's what we've been made of, or so it seems.

in a day, our emotions run alongside a progression of events, all of which register first in the mind before in the "heart". the heart being referred to here only as a general emotional-sensory organ which holds no bearing to our physical life and being.

and if they do register first in the mind, who are we to say that we have no choice but to react a particular way in certain situations, that we have indeed not been programming ourselves to what our minds' tell us.

it is as the world values, a higher form of enlightenment that an average joe's everyday life can never reveal. but the world's values have in a contorted manner, lost all it's bearings.

as the days pass, we find that heaps upon bounds of people are falling into despair, that is brought about by their own selfish desires.

desires that are brought forth by the heart of a mind. a thinking and living black vortex of greed and ignorance, bent on making us function as we would like for ourselves rather than for the goal of purpose.

life, in this way. loses its meaning to those who have been bound by it. a hopeless birth and death process that spares no quarters. and we are born this way.

and we have no way of knowing the plans for us, except to trust that we have been included in one. a grand one, of intricacies and complex details. one that no one can figure out from beginning to the end. because God has made beautiful in its time.

we have eternity in our hearts. eternity, which is ignorance.
because time has made fools out of all of us.

and only God knows.

_______________________________

okay. despite how this may sound like its such an emo post, its really not. haha.
i came across the verse highlighted in my bible, and i wondered what the back part of it meant.
so i searched. and its actually.. kinda.. dark. haha.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."

The Hebrew adjective translated beautifully functions as a metonymy of effect (i.e., to appear beautiful) for cause (i.e., to make it fit): “to fit beautifully.”

"Also He has put eternity"
i was mostly confused by this, what does "eternity" mean ?

Heb “darkness”; perhaps “eternity” or “the future.” The meaning of the noun עֹלָם (’olam) is debated. It may mean: (1) “ignorance”; (2) time reference: (a) “eternity” or (b) “the future”

"in their hearts"

The Hebrew term translated heart functions as a metonymy of association for man’s intellect, emotions, and will.

which basically means. in whole.
that

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

means. (my own paraphrase, which i pray should be somewhat accurate. haha.)

God has made all things fit perfectly, also He has made man ignorant in our intellect, in our emotions and in our will, such that none of us can ever figure out the plans that the Lord has for our lives.

so i think i should stop questioning too many things now. haha.
(again. this whole post is very premature in thought. please forgive the discrepancies.)

2009-07-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

at the beginning of our christian life, we are concerned with our doing, not with our being.

-from The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee.

in some ways, i think thats a fundamental difference between christianity and other religions.

something like.. being good, instead of doing good works. hm okay never mind. premature thoughts. haha

today i am reminded (as i was a couple of days ago) that no matter how hard i work, everything is in vain unless the Lord works.

Psalm 127:1

Unless the Lord builds the house,

They labor in vain who build it;

Unless the Lord guards the city,

The watchman stays awake in vain.

farfetched as it may sound, this kept me reminding myself that no matter what happens, i have no control over it, i have no bearing over it. in fact, i have no "i" in it.

and so, just today, as i was thinking, "what if my plans for tomorrow dont work out, would i be disappointed ?" this verse came to my mind, and i was so strongly reminded then and there,

that no matter what happens for any events in my life, the Lord has His hand in it. i could strive to make friends, close ones at that, but only if the Lord works.

in that way.. pretty much everything that my little tiny brain percieves as "treasure" has lost its glitter in comparison to His will in my life.

still, thats not to say i wont fall. but i wont stop praying and striving, and i know that the Lord wont ever stop helping me either.

and of course, in a matter more personal and "by my own" gauge - dearer to my heart,

i shall commit it unto the Lord.

Psalm 121

1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—

From whence comes my help?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

4 Behold, He who keeps Israel

Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is your keeper;

The LORD is your shade at your right hand.

6 The sun shall not strike you by day,

Nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;

He shall preserve your soul.

8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore.

(: goodnight. and wooo. happy birthday to me ! (even though it's not yet my birthday)

thank You God for 20years of ups and downs,

but more importantly, for always always ALWAYS keeping me with Your love and grace.

2009-07-03T20:20:00.001+08:00

happened to be flipping through that diary-thing that i used to keep back in catholic high and i came across this poem that i wrote about 3 years ago.

haha. its.. well.. nostalgic.

______________________

I've seen joy without a smile,
and hope without a plea.
I wonder; I ask myself why,
how can You be so loving,
to someone such as me.

with my heart in shambles,
and my thoughts in vain.
still You show me,
Your love, Your grace,
You know my name.

show me I plead,
Your hand, Your guidance.
no other gods take Your place,
my assurance is in You.
keep my faith steadfast,
and keep me growing.

I cry to You,
change me Lord.
You know every hair on my head,
know my heart and it's follies.

days pass and I shall sing of Your glory,
Your grace keeps me,
O Lord You are faithful to even a sinner like me.

_________________________

despite how it may sound..
its getting me wondering whether or not i had ever really experienced the victorious christian life.

i wont say im eloquent, but i think i've sort of always known the politically correct things to say at certain times, and that may not be such a good thing after all..

I give it back to You..

2009-06-30T04:24:00.000+08:00

sad to say, but... im feeling sad.

i did a search on the phrase "rest in" and came across this.

psalm 16:5-11

⁵ O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
⁶ The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.
⁷ I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
⁸ I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
¹⁰ For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
¹¹ You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

i wonder what it means to rest in "hope", is it the same as resting in the faith of the knowledge of God's sovereignty ? or something more, or perhaps even less ?

i like the way king david says/sings (cause its a psalm right ? haha.) in such certainty, like for example in verse 11, where it goes "in Your presence in fullness of joy" and "at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

im trying my best to keep my eyes on Him, and relying on His grace that keeps me day in and day out.

sometimes i think too much, like now (where its already 4.34am) and im "unasleep". my mind wanders to the past that i know i cant ever change, and then it drifts to thoughts of the future that i think i plan for myself. only to remember that i shall not boast about tomorrow.

so then i lose everything that i think about. and i start thinking about people. thats when theres this rather overwhelming feeling of sorrow that starts somewhere below my left shoulder, and slowly makes it way to my mind and ultimately to my face ---> ):

so as philippians goes, "finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."

i'll try that. maybe then i can sleep. and rest in hope.

*p.s. i did a search on the word "sovereign" too, using dictionary.com, and interestingly enough, one of the definitions of the word is "efficacious" which basically means "effective", did God mean it to be related ? because well, reading the bible really helps ! (its so practical, im feeling alot better already. haha.) (:

2009-06-29T16:56:00.001+08:00

back from sending off the americans and from book-buying with pastor chunghowe.

its been a really enjoyable few weeks that've just passed and i thank God for the fellowship that we've all had together. planning to go to california at the end of the year to visit my sister, so hopefully if that plans goes through, i'll be seeing them all again !

i got a new book ! that im actually pretty sure that many others have read before, but hey, i havent. so dont spoil it for me ! its "the normal christian life" by watchman nee, i think the last book that was added to my christian library at home was probably "created for His glory" by dr jim berg. and that was like.. a year and a half ago. maybe even more.

speaking of new books ! im surprised that i found a book called "God in the manger" by John Macarthur lying around at home. because im pretty sure that i didnt buy it, nor did anyone give it to me as a present. so that must mean that this book originally belonged to someone else in my family. i wonder who it could be ? (considering the fact that none of them have ever been particularly interested in God.)

whichever the case, as bro mingyong (just smsed me) reminds me, everything happens for a reason that God has set, maybe this book would help me speak to my family members (whoever it was that this book belongs to.)

guess i'll start on it once im done with the watchman nee one. or maybe i'll just read it in between, have a change once in awhile. maybe they might compliment one another. haha. but those are all just maybe's. oh well.

skyped with my parents for awhile the moment i got home, they seem to be settling in well so thank God for that, but as for me, im hoping that i can do the same. haha, 6months without parental control is... strange. hahahaha.

okay. its time for a nice long nap until dinner time, which i presume is gonna be kfc, cause.. well you know. my parents arent in, so restraint goes out the window. haha no la, just felt like eating it today.

thats about all. it's been a while since i blogged about "my day", feels kinda good. cause its all just putting events into words, without the need to think deeply bout the topic at hand. hm.

i feel like watching the god of gamblers again, i think i shall watch it till i fall asleep.

so i shall.

2009-06-28T22:39:00.000+08:00

these here are just some calvin and hobbes quotes that i came across and that i find absolutely hilarious and/or interesting !

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!”

Don't walk away! I'm trying to apologize you dumb noodleloaf!”

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction.”

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?”

*p.s. i think calling someone a "dumb noodleloaf" of actually just a "noodleloaf" is extremely funny. haha.

and here's my favourite quote of them all.

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night."

(ironically enough, i blogged a couple of weeks ago that i've been having weird recurring dreams, and that i honestly
would like to know what dreams meant. or what they were. but well. this quote is a satisfactory answer to me.)

you should see the comic strip itself. it's rather sweet.

i wonder whether i appear in other people's dreams too ? wouldnt it be pretty cool,
if like... we all had dream-fellowship. or something like that. ahha.

and that transcends all boundaries of time and/or of space.
cause like right now, the 5seniors and dr and mrs mincy are going back to the states,
but if we really could have this thing, we could meet up ! haha.

okay la, im just letting my mind take me where it wants me to go.
but its time to reel it back in. haha.

sometimes i feel really bad when i dont get to go and hangout with people who are dear to me
(for whatever reason there may be.)

but today just as i was thinking bout things, i've come to a conclusion,
that no matter what happens, it's planned by God. and if these people were in fact
the people that i hold dear to me, then there'll be plenty of other times
that the Lord will provide for us to have good, sweet fellowship.

still, i think i'll always feel that little tinge of sadness and/or disappointment,
but at least now i remember that theres a purpose and a plan behind everything that happens around me.

ANYWAY.

i'd like to say..

noodleloaf. i'll see you in my dreams, so we can play together all night. :]

2009-06-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

just got back from the night safari.

and i spent the whole day at the zoo too.

and i just came to a conclusion about blogs..

i realised that when girls blog, they generally blog about the going on's in their day.
whereas for a guy, we generally blog about the going on's in our life.

so taking that as a point of reference, its quite interesting to form an opinion
of how different the birds and the bees view life, or on a more complex and abstract
perspective.

the difference between how a girl views the way that she views her life,
with that of how a guy views the way that he views his life.

honestly. i dont know how to make it any clearer, cause its all laymen english,
even if the idea behind it is a little confusing. but yeah.

i like to think of blogs as a sort of.. erm.. collection of ideas,
so i realised that i prefer to blog in a way that my ideas and thoughts
rather than my events are the ones that become the main focus.
and in that way, i take a lensic (is there such a word ?) point of view
of how i want to portray my life.

whereas for members of the opposite gender, im inclined to believe
that they view blogs as a diary of their days.
and so, in that way, they prefer to blog in a way that chronicles their day's events
rather than their ideas and thoughts in that point of their life.

of course, thats not true for EVERYONE. there are definitely those who..
err.. overstep the stereotype that i've just described.
and of course this is just my own conjectures, so none of it is fact.
just thought that i'd blog this idea of mine.. (heh.)

2009-06-20T01:16:00.000+08:00

i decided to read my emails again.
i think that was probably a mistake.

but oh well, whats done is done. hahahaha.

how did it all just disappear like that ?
thats what i'd like to know !