"Why should i be sad? I have lost someone who didn't love me. But she's lost someone who loved her."

should never have put myself on the line.

"poems are simply emotions put in words"
-anonymous

Its been a while since I last wrote one and I do miss having the fortitude to pen my thoughts into neat lines.

Just cause life over here has been so cluttered with thoughts about the day after each.
I barely have time to think about where I am, much less where I was.

I'm glad that certain stuff have happened to me over the past couple of days,
finding a nice note stuck in between the pages of my copy of "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. I read it like 3 years ago and honestly, nothing's stuck. Reading it again is entirely like reading a whole new book. Back to the point, the note said "If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided with strong shoes." and after doing a little bit of searching online, I found out that the quote came from Corrie Ten Boom.

I got a nagging suspicion that this note was written by the previous owner of this book (Mine's a secondhand copy) and it made me think just how strange and mysterious are the ways that God works. Well.. whatever the case, it came at a really good time.. Feeling overwhelmed with work and the stress of adapting to this new lifestyle really doesn't sit well with me.

The note really helped, but words only go that far. I keep thinking that I want to trust in God's plan for me, that He takes care of everyone as a whole and at the same time that everyone as an individual is in the center of His will.

So many things have happened in the past year alone.

within the past year, my "home-base" changed from singapore to melbourne.
within the past year, I went back and forth countless times trying to quell my doubts about God.
within the past year, I confused myself so many times that I don't even know what I want anymore.

Sometimes it's good to just sit back.
In fact, we always do learn to let go of the wheel and let God take control.
I really want to do that now.
I'm actually really tired of pretense and trying to manipulate everything so that all the dreams that I wish I could have would so easily fall right into my lap.

I like the quote that I started off this post with, in my short 2 lessons in modern and contemporary literature, this quote was brought up at least 5 times. And I find that it really does hold so much meaning.
So here is my poem, and since I realised that out of my 400 or so poems that i've ever written, only about a tiny 2% of them actually have titles. I thought i'd title this one.


Street Lamps

Street lamps flicker overhead,
Walking beneath, a halo made.
People see and think the best,
But we know better,
we know what's said.

Cars hasten past, just under,
Memories they'll never remember.
Every light a guide to them,
But they forget,
The street lamp after.

I leave you now, for a moment,
Never forget my hope in the advent.
For every light a guide to me,
But I'll remember
God's appointment.

Street lamps lit up everywhere,
For all our sins to bear.
I cannot even if I tried to forget,
My brightest walk,
My Christian share.

Why deign to be in acceptance of this tumultuous ambiguity?
Has the grave robbed you of dignity in leading your life?
No.

Be it for the sake of kind temptation,
Or the purpose of divine right;
Let your heart be the mouth of your soul,
Not your mind nor fancies.
For desire triumphs fancies,
But your will inherits the victory march.

Claim your future before you now,
The past replaces the present,
In a blink of an eye,
too swift, too fast.

okay.

it's just not right that i'm having trouble sleeping every night just because i'm kept awake by my thoughts.

it's time to move on!
because she's not coming back.

One day I'll call you baby,
And you'll reply, "Yes baby?"

____________________

But until then, we'll wait and see.

I dedicate this post to

you.